Warner Bros. Hard at Work Ruining Aquaman and Shazam

SAN DIEGO, CA—After the positive reception the trailers of Shazam and Aquaman received from Comic-Con patrons, executives at Warner Bros. have announced that they are already at work at ruining the two films in time for release.

“While Wonder Woman unfortunately escaped our micromanagement, we are already hard at work at ensuring the directors of both movies make massive changes to the movie in response to the reception of focus groups consisting of people who know even less about DC characters than we do,” said Bill Pickman, one of Warner Bros.’ faceless and powerful executives. When asked why they continue to meddle with the movies when the main criticism aimed at them is the obvious executive meddling, Pickman responded, “With the changes we are demanding, such as expensive comedic reshoots for Aquaman and advertising future movies in development in Shazam, we are ensuring that the Worlds of DC remain a viable and profitable venture.” When it was pointed out that the last movie, Justice League, underperformed severely even with all the changes Pickman and his fellow executives demanded, he shrugged his shoulders.

While the movies are already said to be complete, Pickman promised that after a few months of reshoots and edits, both movies will feel overstuffed without being fleshed out, and sparse but still outdrawn. It is a feat the executives are almost close to perfecting, Pickman stated.

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